Ok, so I said I would be getting back to some ponders or stories and I find some time tonight. Yet another baseball game with some super crappy behavior on the part of parents. I make every effort not to bitch and moan here but tonight I must discourse on the subject of over competitive and rude parents. I guess there isn't much to say as I am sure that all of you have experienced similar behaviors. Man! The coach curses. The mom who is the score keeper yells at the boys and complains about the game officials loudly so there is no doubt that they can hear her. The boys get down on themselves and then they get yelled at for mistakes and for bad attitudes. Some kids are taught that they are the best, totally awesome and integral to success of the team. This gives them the misguided beliefs that they are the best and that they can criticize their peers. This is not a good thing for anyone. It is frustrating to watch. I really want to bust out some confrontational statements or even some massive sarcasm. However, I am fully aware that this would only make it worse.
I already believe that some of the locals view me as odd. I use strange vocabulary words, I exercise, I act goofy and energetic instead of old and staid. I am open minded about things and often share my opinion unsolicited. This is all true, however, I would be unfair if I didn't admit that I am over generalizing. Many people do seem to appreciate me for many of my "out of the ordinary" views. There are also many people who are smart and funny and share my interests and humor. Poor parenting and poor sportsmanship aren't isolated to the wilderness. I am worried that the phenomenon is running rampant throughout our society. I worry that we are pushing our youth into activities that they don't enjoy in order to please and praise ourselves. I am worried that despite the resiliency of youth; we are damaging self esteem and body image left and right. When should we step in? I am concerned that our society has been placing too much emphasis on athletics and competition. Manliness is defined by machismo and womanliness is defined by bimbo-ness and superficial beauty. Ack!
So, in order to avoid complete depression and wallowing in ruin, I have created a list of things for those of us on the side of light. What we can do to keep the faith, to build up our children and the children of others.
1. Dish out legitimate praise. No fluff, but praise for the exact thing they did and when they did it. Pour it on when it is deserved.
2. When they don't get it right for whatever reason, encourage them. Model the right way or better way or help them find their own way to success.
3. Volunteer time to spend with youth, your own or someone else's. Be the adult who is true and real and shows them the polite and positive way to handle situations. Even when it is frustrating or tough.
4. Always be positive to the adults who are sooo negative you want to smack them. Don't stoop to their level. Model the response you would like the youth to have in adverse situations. Respond with a positive attitude.
5. Don't lie about your disappointment in the negative adults, be direct. "I don't agree with how that adult acted but my response will be positive and I know you know how to focus on that also." We can't control others but we can control our own response. We will take the high road and ignore, praise, encourage as much as possible. We will not dwell on the negative behaviors of others.
6. If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.
7. If it comes down to it, and you are forced to have some type of confrontation, do it as politely and nicely as possible. In most situations, confrontation is to be avoided as the reaction of other parents is not predictable.
8. Talk, talk, talk with youth. Talk with all of them, rude ones, mouthy ones, shy ones, special ones, teenagers and little ones. All of them! Talk to them with true and sincere interest. Be true and real.
K, I'm sure I could think of several more hints but I feel better now. Thanks for listening! Do you have some ideas about how to redirect the way our society is shaping our youth? Please share if you do!
Night for now!
~ Denise
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