What makes a man?

When you are creating something you usually have a vision of what you are aiming to create. A painting, a clay pot any piece of art or work of literature. There is a vision, a goal - you know where you are hoping to end up. This applies to parenting as well.

I was pondering this last night, what does our society defines as manly? I think we are muddled. We pay lip service to the idea of the kind and caring man but then our behaviors show kids something different. I know that we as individual parents are working hard to model the vision but a large part of society is not. Look around you. Children's tv both commercials and show content are at odds with the kind and gentle man vision. Our boys are taught to love aggression in the form of sports and cool explosive fight scenes. Fast cars and car crashes are everywhere. Men are generally depicted at two extremes super tough, no nonsense, no namby pamby baby guys and weak ineffectual girly guys often gay. (You can't really analize gender stereotypes without touching on all the issues!)

So. What is the ponder? Well, while looking around the bar last night, I really wondered how these men formed their identities. Hard drinking, some smoking and very little dancing. What do they value about themselves? Are they worried about appearing tough, manly and strong? Then I started thinking about raising boys into men and whether or not most parents have a vision. I don't know maybe they are just riding the wave. Probably they have a vision.

We have a vision, I think we talked about it more frequently when Marek was a baby but we do revisit it as he grows. Every difficulty he faces, every positive or negative behavior he repeats we discuss. We talk about whether it is what we were hoping for or whether we need to work for change.

We are going for the kind, caring and gentle man. A man who can share his thoughts and feelings. A man of strong faith and comittment. A man who is reliable, dependable and a good citizen. A man well rounded with an interest in sports, music, art and imagination. It is ok to cry when you are sad and hurt. But try not to cry too long about little things, instead deal with them and work to improve the situation It's good to try to improve the things that are causing you sadness if they can be improves Be tolerant of differences, you don't have to like their view or them as individuals but you do need to be kind and considerate towards them. Think of others first. Help people when you can. Don't let people hurt your feelings, if they do then kindly but firmly tell them they did and then tell them to stop. Take responsibility for your actions, choices and beliefs. Be curious. Be creative. Be diverse. Enjoy what you enjoy even if society says it's girly! Guys don't have to mow and they can do housework! Be fun. Have fun. Be sensitive to the environment around you - look listen and feel for signs that will guide you in your choices.

I think we have a pretty good vision. It is difficult to build a balance of true gentleness of spirit and enough protective skills to survive in a society that says one thing and does another. It is worrisome to ponder the impact of external forces but the values taught, modeled and lived by our family and good friends will be the strongest in the end.


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