Well, the days are passing. I feel like I have been working pretty hard to stay focused on positive parenting and refraining from a horrible attitude towards my son when he acts his age or makes a mistake. I am just so easily frustrated with simple things, mostly I think it is with myself. I want everything to be smooth and good. I think that I appear to be laid back and "go with the flow" to others. Really though, I'm not that laid back. I'm maybe a total bitch about too many things. I am a hard driving task master and have unreasonable demands for others, expectations that they didn't set for themselves nor did they even discuss or agree to setting. Where does this come from? Argh! If you know something, shouldn't you be able to change it? Easily? HA! Not so much!
I do this same thing to my husband. The other big ponder is why are we (I'm assuming that others do this as well!) hardest on those we love the best?? Ahhh.... I am working hard to delve into my own thoughts and actions. Mostly, I know what I should do I just don't always do it. I'm kinda lazy and allow my baser instincts to take over sometimes. Make no mistake, I am a good mom and a good wife and I know it. I think that my son and my husband would agree with this on most days. Really though, I was raised to believe that there is always something to reach for, an improvement to be made, a bar to be raised. We are not perfect nor can we ever be perfect but it is our moral responsibility to strive to be better, do our best, continuously move towards the highest standard that we can envision.
It's good to try harder. I think though, that it is important to give yourself permission to relax and not always be the hardest driving, toughest task master but instead to work calmly, slowly steadily on self. Seems like I could do better on that, not always chiding myself with negative self talk. Also, it is important to allow others to work at their own pace towards their own vision of the best. This is perhaps the crux of the matter. I am not the task master for anyone else but me!! I do not set the standard for anyone else's behavior but my own!!
Yeh, except for people who I don't know who are irratating and stupid like the guy who passed me in a no passing zone with no where to go... Oh, wait!! Off track again!
It doesn't really matter if I set standards for people I don't know, it only matters if I set standards for my husband and son. I will allow my husband to set his own expectations and I, in partnership with Marcus, will teach Marek how to set reasonable self expectations. Needless to say, marcus does this and usually we are pretty on track with each other. Funny what 22 years of marriage will do for a person! Also, interestingly enough, at 11 years old Marek also can set his own personal expectations and he does a pretty good job of it. He may in fact have learned to be a bit too hard on himself sometimes from his crazy mom.
Sooooo.... I will do better than this. Since I have writtten this "out loud" it makes it a true goal with a doable but challenging path. I will set expectations only for myself, I will stop the negative self talk and relax for slow and steady work sometimes. I will let the other people in my life do this for themselves with loving support from me. Yep, it's gonna happen!!
Go easy on yourself, girl! You are a good mother and wife. It is good to be striving to be better, I agree that it is very important in life! But it is also important to give yourself a break now and then, and as you are trying to teach your son to set reasonable expectations for himself, demonstrate by example, by setting reasonable expectations for yourself! Change, even positive change, is hard, slow, but worth it! Keep trying and Good luck!
ReplyDelete